The blind woodchuck is a mythical creature sent to warn us about lurking dangers as we all prepare for the first total solar eclipse viewable in the United States in a nearly a century. Does she even exist? No one really knows. But like the chupacabra, she haunts our dreams and runs through our yards, screaming until someone listens to her cautionary rants. Or at least she runs through my yard. Wait, am I the only one? Wow. That is kind of upsetting.